I recently watched a Zoom call between The Curiosity Approach and The Childcare Guru about the things we buy for new babies. They discuss how due to our fast paced lives babies are often moved from one "container" to another during the day and not given the chance to "naturally unfold". They also said that by inhibiting this chance to naturally unfold we are effecting our baby's development. This got me thinking back to what I did with E as a baby.
While pregnant I spent so much time on Pintrest, Google and in different Facebook groups looking for advice, suggestions, what to expect etc. as I'm sure most new parents do. And I was met by a barrage of must have lists and claims that this is the perfect product or it will solve all your restless baby problems. Now as a new parent you want to do the best for your child. As a hormonal woman you are filled with dread and worry about how things will be. These things make you very impressionable and you soon find your MUST HAVE list growing out of control. Now being a family on a limited budget did reduce the amount I was able to buy. But I wonder if this was not the case how much more baby stuff I would have bought? We already got all the basic must haves; a moses basket (a gift), a lay by me crib (bought by my parents), a bouncer and a rocker, several baby gyms for around the house (we only actually bought one of those, the rest were gifts), car seat, pram (also bought by my parents)etc. And these are just things to carry or contain the baby. Was most of this neccassary? Looking back the answer is probably no, most of it was a heap of crap that was either hardly used or just didn't fit in with our family.
Some of these products are a must have; a car seat if your baby is going to be in a car, a crib of some sort unless you are going to co-sleep, a pram (for most people unless you plan to solely baby wear). Each of these products have alternatives depending on your life style but I think we can all agree that for the most part, the majority of families need these 3 items. But you have to ask yourself how much does your child really need the rest of it?
I used my bouncer when I needed to shower. But I could have easily put her on the floor in a safe space or left her in a travel cot/play pen type set up. This way she would have been free to reach, stretch and explore. All things which would have helped with that natural unfolding that was mentioned earlier. As well as shower time this particular bouncer was also used when I was too hot from baby wearing during house work. We also had a swing type chair that I can count on one hand how many times I used and also had a rocker at my parents house. Looking back these were used out of convienece but I think also out of a fear of judgement from leaving my baby lying on the floor. Surely my baby must have some fancy mod-con or beautifully hand crafted something or other to prove how good of a mother I was. None of that is true. My baby would have been perfectly safe and happy lying on the floor watching the light shine through the window and exploring her hands. We talk about body image/shaming etc thanks to the internet but I think exactly the same thing goes for parenting. It is so easy for everyone to have an opinion but none of them live in your house or are part of yourt family so how would they know what works for you? The debate on breast or bottle, the debate on baby wearing or push chairs, co-sleeping or cots, what age to wean or when to put babies in their own room. Everyone wants to share their input. Oh you MUST have this bugaboo or this jumparoo or this shiny, fandagled whats-it. Just like fad-diets and the latest fashion it is so easy to be convinced into things that don't suit your life or your paretning style or your home. Even me writting this blog is in someway me giving you my opinion. But my opinion is to save yourself a fortune and strip it back to basics.
Babies and children don't need expensive equipment or toys. Everyone has heard the tales of parents spending a fortune at Christmas and their child being more intrested in the wrapping paper or the box. Same goes with your new baby. They need the basics; love, warmth, food and connection. All the rest is just extra stress, money and noise. Plastic junk that will clutter your house and cost a fortune. A lot of these things also push your baby into unnatural postitions that they aren't developmentally ready for yet. If your child can't physically sit up then they shouldn't be held in a sitting position.
We as adults seem to have an odd facination with proping babies up. I think because we want to be sat up and involved oursleves. However a baby does not need this. At such a small age their eye sight is limitted so they can't make out the TV show you put on for them or the dance you are doing across the room. When I look at the two pictures above now I just cringe and think goodness me doesn't she look uncomfortable. The ring she was sat in was more enjoyed by my baby cousin when she started crawling that it was used by E. She kept slipping down into it, there was little movement or exploring done by her. I know that if there is ever to be a baby#2 the ring will not be coming back out. Definately style over substance when it comes to baby development. Now I hope you aren't all looking at this thinking well what a nincompoo this woman is (there's that mam guilt kicking in again). I did allower her time to stretch, she did get tummy time etc. While I may have been suffering from baby brian I did still remeber some of my baby development training. But when I look back now (isn't hindsight a wonderful thing) I think I wish I hadn't bother buying or doing half the things I did.
Now I know if Baby#2 does come about I will struggle with mammy guilt as well. I know that I will be tempted to get out all the bells and whistles as I did for E. BUT I am going to promise you all (and my self) that I will take a step back and think, what is she/he gaining from this? Can they stretch, explore, enjoy and just be a baby in this contraption I'm looking at or is this just ANOTHER conatainer for my child. If it is the latter I will put it down and walk away. Striped back to natural movements and basic equipment will make my life easier and baby's life better.
Let me know your thoughts on the post, your experiences as a new parent or of parent guilt.
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